Tuesday, September 23, 2014
It's Bi time we talked about this...
Today is Bisexual Visibility Day. And I feel a bit like a hypocrite, because I am bisexual, and up to this point I have been anything but visible.
I am bisexual. While a very close circle of people know this, most don’t, because I have been afraid to live “Out and Proud.” Coming from a small Eastern Washington town, it’s easy to internalize the beliefs of those around you – while not inherently homophobic, those beliefs told me to keep to myself, because people would not accept me.
But I’m a writer, and I write about people, gay, straight and undecided, who live their truth. And it’s gotten to the point in my life where I don’t think I can continue to write about my characters living honestly without doing so myself.
Up to this point there was no coming out. There was only inviting a few select people to share my closet.
I am bisexual. I am also a writer, a booty-dancer, an animal lover. I have purple hair and hate beets. My bisexuality is simply one part of me, not the sum of my parts. I have known this about myself since I was 12 years old. I am bisexual, but more importantly, I am happy with who I am.
Bisexual people tend to get a bad rap from people on both ends of the sexuality spectrum. Straight people say it’s a phase or – for women – a way to impress heterosexual men. Gay people say it’s a cop-out or an excuse to blend in. And people of many different orientations accuse bisexuals of being “greedy” or using the term “bi” as a pit stop on the way to full-on Queersville.
To those who don’t or can’t or won’t understand – I’m not sorry. I refuse to be apologetic for something that is an integral part of my being. I won’t be ashamed of my right to exist.
Here’s the thing: I want to fall madly, truly, deeply in love. I want to hold hands with my significant other 25 years from now. I want to find love notes on my dresser, my favorite food in the fridge, tickets to that thing we love on the kitchen table. I want to dance with my lover in our living room on a Saturday afternoon. I want witty banter, sultry looks and constant laugher. I want to make out in the damn nursing home. And if I find this person, to love and be loved by in return…then their gender really doesn’t matter a bit.
I am bisexual, and I have an amazing support system. My immediate family and incomparable significant other have been there for me throughout this process, and I never would have made it through the confusion-tornado of coming out without them. From here on out, I’ll be tackling queer issues and specifically bisexual issues head on, so let me know in the comments if there’s any you’d like me to talk about specifically.
Ultimately, I leave you with a quote from Oscar Wilde – a writer, a bisexual, a flawed personality. At the end of the day, all you can do is be yourself. Everyone else is taken.